By Bryna Sim | 18 Oct 2024
I’ve always believed that life is best lived, shared. As I journeyed through life – from the independence of singlehood to the partnership of marriage, and now the lifelong group project of parenthood – I’ve always gravitated towards orientating my heart and actions towards others. In my social circles, I’m usually the one reaching out, keeping people connected; organizing gatherings, reunions, and playdates.
New Country, New Challenges
Relocating as a family from Singapore to Toronto in 2018 saw me being physically uprooted from all my existing social circles.. Goodbye appointment-filled life, goodbye full calendar of social engagements. Halfway across the globe, I knew no one. If I wanted community, I would need to rebuild this intentionally for myself and my family.
It would take effort and courage, but I was prepared to put in the hard and heart work.
My husband’s work as Regional Director of the National University of Singapore’s (NUS) Overseas Colleges involves managing students, startups, and NUS’ innovation and entrepreneurship initiatives in North and South America.
Opening our Home and Hearts
Knowing firsthand what it’s like to live away from home, and having spent many years mentoring young people in church, my husband and I felt compelled to connect with these students personally, beyond his professional job scope.
Because we know how much it would mean to us to feel at home in a foreign land, we open our home to host gatherings for the students. We celebrate milestones together: Welcoming each cohort when they arrive, doing intentional stock-taking mid-journey, and hosting a big bash for their “graduation” from the program. We also celebrate the students’ birthdays and other festive occasions, like Chinese New Year and Christmas.
We’ve “adopted” these students: they’re our family away from family, and our home is their home away from home. It’s open to them anytime; we’ve had students cry on our sofa, and share their deepest anxieties over meals together.
Our little apartment has become a meeting point for community—a safe and happy space to vibe, laugh, sing Taylor Swift songs, dance, play Taboo, and show love to one another genuinely. As we open our hearts and home, there’s mutual vulnerability; we learn about each other’s struggles, hold space for one another, and encourage one another to be brave while forging our paths away from home.
When each cohort departs, my husband and I always say: “With us, it is never goodbye, but: See you again soon.” Indeed, the communal bonds we’ve forged have stayed strong. Many of these students continue to keep in touch with us. Some even make return visits to Toronto, and spend time with us when they do.
Building Community Beyond the Home
Beyond our home, we always say ‘Yes!’ to opportunities that pave the way towards building friendships beyond the Singaporean student community.
We make it a point to attend events hosted by Singapore Global Network (SGN), such as the National Day parties. Such events allow us to meet and mingle with fellow Singaporeans and friends of Singapore doing life in the same city as us.
This year, I went beyond simply participating; I helped to coordinate Singapore’s National Day celebrations in Toronto. Jointly organised by SGN and the Honorary Consul-General, the event was a resounding success, with more than 200 people in attendance. It warmed my heart to be able to give back to Singapore in this way.
NDP celebrations in Toronto, 2024.
I recently also joined several community groups housed within SGN’s new digital community platform, and am looking forward to connecting with fellow relocated Singaporeans all around the world in the process.
Beyond reaching out to Singaporeans, my husband and I also volunteer regularly at a local church and at our kids’ school events. Despite being foreigners and the only Singaporean family in my kids’ school, I was asked if I was willing to be the school’s parent representative for a year. I said ‘Yes!’
This role allowed me to facilitate school events, conduct school tours, and assist in communication and outreach to 120 families, mostly Canadians. Through the various interactions, I was able to share about Singapore, and made friends with the school’s parent and staff communities as a result.
Out of Singapore, Into the World
I’ve deliberately kept my Instagram profile public (@brynaholdsspace) because I believe in documenting my life authentically as a Singaporean transplant. This openness and willingness to share the good, the bad and the ugly of relocation has led to many women reaching out—Singaporeans curious about life in Toronto, newcomers to Toronto, and even those keen to explore life overseas.
I make time to meet up in person with these women, either in Toronto or when I’m back in Singapore. Some of them have since become my close friends here.
New Pursuits, New Connections
Having navigated firsthand the rollercoaster ride of relocation, I wanted to guide others who may be contemplating embarking on similar journeys. Along with a fellow Singaporean, we launched a podcast called “Heart Truths” earlier this year. The show explores what it means to leave home and live outside one’s comfort zone, and delves into topics like timing, money, love, support, and belonging.
This passion project has led to my “connector” role widening and deepening, as the show has attracted listeners worldwide. These new connections reach out to say that our topics resonate and my authenticity empowers them, which in turn encourages my heart.
Subsequently, I was approached by a book publisher, who asked if I would be willing to participate in a collective memoir that delved into the themes of Change, Courage, and Community. I said ‘Yes!’
This was yet another precious opportunity to share about a Singaporean’s journey towards community-building in a foreign land, and in agreeing to this endeavour, I hoped to reach people around the world with my story. The book was launched last month (Sept 2024) and within weeks, it has landed a spot on Amazon’s #1 Bestsellers’ list. What an honour, what a privilege.
Reflections
Whether in Singapore or Toronto, I didn’t set out to be a “connector”. Community was simply integral to me. There’s mutual support, growth, encouragement, and a vibrant exchange of ideas that takes place when you do life with others.
During this season abroad, I have learnt that community-building does not have to take place in “straightforward” ways.
Yes, I started intentionally and with the closest circles of influence – the Singaporean students and Singaporeans in Toronto. But as a digital native, I also experienced firsthand how I could effectively and meaningfully connect with others via counterintuitive, surprising mediums, such as social media, the podcast, and the book.
As I reflect on my journey, I’m proud to have maintained an open heart and mind towards various channels of community building.
Holding space for others and generously giving time and energy to build and deepen interpersonal relationships has been incredibly rewarding: I see this as part of my purpose during this season away from home.
For those looking to build community, here are some practical tips:
- Be open. You might build community in unexpected ways.
- Be proactive. As a newcomer, take the initiative to connect with others.
- Be prepared. You may face disappointment when your efforts aren’t reciprocated.
- Be resilient. Don’t give up. There are people out there who will embrace you for who you are. Community is waiting for you. If it’s what you want, go in search of it with courage and fortitude.
For those standing at a crossroads unsure of whether you should move overseas, or wondering if you ought to relocate back to Singapore after spending years abroad: Be bold. If you have thought it through, and you are ready to embrace an adventure, then take a leap of faith. An exciting new chapter awaits!
Meet Bryna
Bryna Sim is currently based in Toronto with her husband, Harpreet, and their two children, aged 9 and 6. Bryna is a writer by profession and a creative at heart. She believes: Adventure Is Out There, and actively steps beyond her comfort zone to explore and experience, create and connect.
Connect with Bryna on LinkedIn and on Instagram.
